Life Before a Breakthrough
James (my twin brother), me, Lyn (my older sister( and our dog Pie back in Florida. This was right after Mom moved us with $500 and a lot of courage. We had each other and that was enough - even when we had to share bedrooms and shop at Goodwill.
I grew up with a single mom who made a courageous, life-changing decision when I was just 5 years old. In the middle of the night, with only $500 to her name, she took my siblings and me from Wisconsin to Florida to escape an impossible situation.
Now, how many of you have had that moment where you've had to make a scary decision to change your circumstances, not knowing exactly how it would turn out? That decision taught me my first big lesson: you always have the power to transform your situation through decisive action.
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By age 10, my father completely cut ties with us, declaring he wanted nothing to do with his own children. Talk about feeling invisible and unworthy! And I know many of you have felt that same sense of rejection at some point, whether from family, colleagues, or potential employers who couldn't see your true value.
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Have you felt underestimated, no matter how capable you are?
Financial hardship became our constant companion. We lived in such tight quarters that we risked child services intervention because my brother and I shared a bedroom with our sister – something that wasn't allowed past a certain age. Our clothes came from Goodwill, except for the precious few new items from my grandmother that I treasured like gold. We drove cars that broke down on the road. Sometimes I even slept on the floor of my mom's workplace while she worked late into the night.
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When we moved to a higher-end area with better schools, we became "the poor kids." I learned to navigate between different worlds – the affluent environment at school and our much humbler reality at home. This ability to adapt and connect across different environments? That's something I use every day now in helping professionals bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.
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My mother's parenting came from a place of vulnerability as a single parent with no safety net. Her message was clear: "If I die, you need to be able to take care of yourself." That creates a different kind of childhood – one where you grow up fast and learn self-reliance at a level most kids never have to. For any of you who had to become independent earlier than most, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
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The pressure to excel academically and athletically wasn't about achievement for its own sake – it was my only ticket to a better life. College was only possible with a scholarship. So I threw myself into the demanding IB program while also committing to rowing 25 hours a week. Not because I loved it, but because it was my path forward.​
This early conditioning shaped my work ethic and drive, though it came at the cost of subordinating my authentic self to meet practical demands.
Sound familiar to anyone who's conformed in their corporate job just to keep advancing? Sometimes survival requires us to hide our true selves – until we're strong enough to reclaim our power and write our own story.
The Lead-Up to Change
Fast forward to my corporate career. I had worked so incredibly hard to build success – moving up through roles, earning impressive titles and compensation. From the outside, I had "made it." Yet beneath that veneer of success, I felt like I was only expressing a fraction of my true potential. I'd bet many of you know exactly what that feels like.
My corporate environment created a suffocating feeling of being trapped – similar to my stressful teenage years when I actually tried to get emancipated. That feeling of being stuck in an intolerable situation with no clear exit? It's a feeling I've now helped dozens of tech professionals navigate during their own career transitions.
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Just as I had turned to alcohol and drugs as a teenager to cope with feeling misunderstood and unseen – blacking out over 100 times and ultimately blocking out most memories from my childhood – I found myself looking for other ways to numb the growing realization that my professional life was another kind of prison.​​
The impressive salary and job title served as corporate versions of those earlier coping mechanisms – temporary relief that didn't address the core issue.
With leadership, I felt I couldn't fully be myself. I prioritized fitting in with the hierarchy while maintaining authentic connections with colleagues. I kept thinking, "Once I get promoted, then people will listen to me and I'll be in a position of influence." So I pursued an MBA at night – an incredible amount of work on top of my already demanding job.
I was checking all the boxes, acquiring more credentials, postponing my authentic contribution while climbing that ladder. How many of you have put parts of yourselves on hold while pursuing the next professional milestone?
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The irrational fear of losing my job created constant anxiety that kept me from speaking up, bringing my full self to my role. I silenced myself before others could even judge my ideas. The survival mentality from childhood – work harder, prove your worth – continued driving me long after I needed to operate from that place of scarcity.​​​​​​
All these patterns created growing tension between the successful professional I appeared to be and the more authentic, purpose-driven person I wanted to become.
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I was accumulating valuable insights and skills that would later become the foundation of my business.
MBA graduation with Kurt! I worked so hard for this, going to night school while working. But honestly? Even with that diploma in my hand, I felt like something was missing.
But at the time, I couldn't see how these experiences were preparing me for my true calling.
​The Breakdown That Led to the Breakthrough
Dinner with Lyn right after I got laid while 34 weeks pregnant. Looks nice, right? But I was barely holding it together. I couldn't even enjoy this moment because I was so scared about the future.
Then came the moment that changed everything. I was laid off at 34 weeks pregnant with my third child.
Let that sink in. Thirty-four weeks pregnant. With two children already at home under age three.
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This wasn't just a job loss. This was a complete upheaval at one of life's most vulnerable moments. I felt robbed of precious time – unable to focus on a job search in those final pregnancy weeks, then having only an inadequate postpartum recovery before financial pressure forced me back into job-hunting mode.
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The layoff triggered postpartum anxiety and insomnia, compounding the already overwhelming experience of caring for a newborn and two toddlers. I was so desperate I put my baby in daycare at just 7 weeks old – not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had no choice. I needed to find work, fast.
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This crisis awakened all those dormant scarcity patterns from childhood. Despite having savings, I questioned every expense – even a $6 Starbucks drink felt irresponsible. The rational knowledge that we had financial resources couldn't override the visceral feeling of scarcity permeating every aspect of my life.
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With three children under three, I was already stretched impossibly thin. The job search became all-consuming. I felt I could never stop – any free moment had to be dedicated to applications, networking, interview preparation.
The burnout was overwhelming, yet I pushed on because I saw no alternative.
When I did manage to land interviews, I'd walk away feeling profoundly unseen.
This invisibility echoed painfully back to being labeled "the bad kid" in my youth when I was actually a young person in deep pain who needed help.
Each rejection triggered that same sense that my true potential wasn't being recognized.
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I tried everything – different approaches, tactics, strategies. Nothing worked.
Each day without progress intensified my anxiety and self-doubt.
The job search required a level of resilience that, in my vulnerable postpartum state, I wasn't prepared for.
What I couldn't see then – but understand clearly now – was that this breakdown period was actually laying the groundwork for my breakthrough.
I was experiencing firsthand the exact emotional journey that so many others go through during unexpected job loss.
My history of feeling unseen was giving me a unique capacity to recognize this pain in others – and eventually help them transform it.
Who I Became Afterward
Through this crucible experience, I discovered my true purpose. The breakthrough came when I recognized my struggle wasn't just about finding another job – it was revealing my unique gift and calling.
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My Why became crystal clear: to help people live fulfilling lives.
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This isn't just about career tactics. My deepest motivation is helping others find fulfillment by being truly seen and valued for who they are and what they can contribute.
I'm equally passionate about helping people do their best work – unlocking their full potential and making their greatest possible impact. These aren't separate goals – personal fulfillment and professional excellence are deeply interconnected
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Finding this clarity wasn't straightforward. Initially, I tried leveraging my expertise in a different direction – becoming an AI expert to revolutionize traditional consulting with an AI-powered design thinking platform.
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Despite my technical expertise, after six months and 52 sales calls without a single deal, I hit another wall.
The real breakthrough came from an unexpected source – a testimonial client for whom I'd been building the platform at no charge. They said something that changed everything:
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"You've helped me more with my career than anyone I know. Go do this."
They weren't talking about my platform concept, but about the career guidance I'd been providing on the side because I loved it.
This moment of clarity didn't mean abandoning my AI expertise – it meant redirecting it toward my true passion. I created the Phoenix Formula, an AI-based methodology that guides people step-by-step through their own transformation with customized support along the way.
My Vision crystallized:
"To transform laid-off tech professionals from doubting their value to unlocking their full human potential, fundamentally shifting how they see themselves in a way that permeates every aspect of their career journey."
I discovered that the job search isn't merely about landing a position – it's about transforming how people perceive themselves.
Anniversary dinner with Kurt while I was starting my business. The fog was finally lifting! After everything we'd been through, it felt so good to actually enjoy a moment like this.
When someone shifts how they see their own value, everything changes – how they interview, network, negtiate, and ultimately perform in their careers.
What makes my approach unique is how I combine my professional expertise with my personal experience.
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My design thinking skills structure networking approaches that address hiring managers' specific challenges. My OKR coaching background helps job seekers articulate their unique contributions in ways that align with employers' needs. My measurement expertise helps clients focus on metrics that actually matter to hiring managers.
Now, as I work with clients, I see them experience the same transformation I underwent – moving from doubt about their value to confident understanding of their unique contributions. The Phoenix Formula name itself reflects our shared journey – rising from the ashes of career setbacks to emerge stronger, more authentic, and more aligned with our true potential.
Perhaps most significantly, I've discovered that my most painful experiences – from my challenging childhood to my devastating layoff – weren't random hardships but essential elements preparing me for my unique contribution. The very experiences that once made me feel unseen became the foundation for helping others be truly seen and valued.
What I've Learned That Can Help You
Through my journey from childhood adversity to corporate success to entrepreneurship, I've gathered wisdom that now forms the foundation of my work.
This isn't theoretical knowledge – it's lived experience from someone who has transformed their own relationship with worth, visibility, and authenticity.
The question that changed everything for me was deceptively simple:
Making my vision board - when I finally realized I could write my own story. This is where I figured out how to turn all my struggles into something that could actually help people.
"What would I do if I couldn't fail?"
When you allow yourself to explore this question deeply, it cuts through years of conditioning and fear. I encourage you to sit with this question yourself – you might be surprised by what it reveals beneath all the shoulds and expectations.
I recognize patterns in my clients that mirror my own journey. When someone shares how invisible they feel in their job search, I can nod with genuine understanding – I've felt that same painful invisibility both as "the bad kid" in my youth and as a job seeker struggling to be seen for my true potential.
This recognition allows me to help my clients identify and wrestle with their limiting beliefs, guiding them to transform these patterns rather than remaining trapped in them.
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The survival behaviors that served you in childhood—hypervigilance, people-pleasing, pushing through at all costs—become limitations in your adult professional life. I help my clients identify when these same protective mechanisms are holding them back from authentic self-expression and fulfilling work.
Having been labeled and misunderstood myself, I have an exceptional ability to see beyond the labels others place on my clients. Where others might see just another laid-off professional, I recognize unique capabilities and untapped potential. This gift allows me to help people articulate value that they themselves often can't yet see.
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The financial scarcity of my childhood created complex patterns that were triggered during my own layoff—questioning every expense despite having savings, feeling the visceral anxiety of not having enough. This experience helps me guide clients through healing their relationship with money and worth as an essential part of professional transformation.
I understand deeply how conformity can become a survival strategy
Having conformed in my own youth despite the personal cost, and later finding myself doing the same in corporate environments. I now help others find the courage to break these patterns and express their authentic selves, even when it feels risky.
My most painful experiences—my challenging childhood, my struggle with feeling unseen, my devastating layoff at my most vulnerable moment—ultimately became my greatest assets. These weren't just hardships to overcome but essential elements that shaped my unique perspective and ability to help others transform.
The Phoenix Formula embodies this truth—that your true calling often emerges from the intersection of your deepest pain and greatest gifts. My work wasn't created despite my difficult experiences but because of them. By transforming my own relationship with worth and visibility, I gained the insight and empathy to guide others through the same journey.
The ultimate transformation I help my clients achieve isn't just about changing their external circumstances but changing how they see themselves. When I shifted from seeing myself as a victim of circumstance to the author of my own story, everything changed.
If You're Reading This
and you're struggling to be seen for your true value after a layoff or career setback – if you're tired of conforming to others' expectations at the expense of your authentic self – then I want you to know this: you don't have to navigate this journey alone.
The Phoenix Formula was created specifically for professionals like you who are ready to transform how they see themselves and how they're seen by others.
Let's work together to uncover your unique value and help you rise from this challenge stronger and more aligned with your true potential than ever before.
